But her belly was healed. No pain, no discomfort as she walked along the the winding trail.
With dew covered grass sliding under her feet, she quickly scurried across the freshly manicured lawn. Her window was still open just as she'd left it. White lace curtains gently swayed in the breeze as the soft echo of chirping birds hummed in the tree tops.
Tossing her clothes through the window first, Amie followed suit. Swinging one leg inside the window, she scampered inside. "Man this was much easier last night." she hissed.
Her room was just as she'd left it. Her door; still locked. All the lights off: even her night light that she'd never sleep without. Letting out a huge sigh she stepped in front of her floor length mirror and lifted her gown. Her belly was flat as a board, normal, healthy, pain-free!
Collasping to her knees, she curled up in a bow. Staring blankly at the wall, she cradled her belly. Is this real? Am I really healed? This must be a dream. If I go to sleep, when I awake, will I find myself as I was before?
Suddenly fear griped her heart as her dark consciousness began to speak. "You imagined everything. The mind can be a terrible companion. You want to be healed so bad, you'll grab at any straw hoping it will be the answer to the question you so desperately seek. But in time you will find, it was all just a dream. And you will return to your previous state."
Tears welled up in Amie's eyes; her cheeks the color of crimson. A tight knot crawled up her throat as her heart raced with panic. "What if I did imagine it all? What if none of this is real? What will I do if I return to how I was? I don't think I'd make it. I don't see myself living like that again ever!"
With her hand pressed firmly over her mouth, she began to sob. Her chest tighted with every breath she took. Her face twisted in a scowl. Her belly contracted from all the anxiety she felt while she shook all over.
And then she looked at her drawer. The second one; and she remembered what she did last summer. Was it a moment of insanity? Desperation or both. But she was ready to leave this world, depart from this life; and enter into a new realm free of pain; void of suffering.
She closed her eyes; tightly.
Another voice in her head spoke. "Silly goose! Don't even think about it! Look at how many therapy sessions you had to go to; to escape those impulsive thoughts. Do you ever want to go back to that life again? Get a hold of yourself! Stop being a wimp! Face your fears! Slay ALL your dragons!"
Wiping the tears from her eyes she looked away from the drawer. Theres no sense in looking backwards. Besides, it was when she was at her lowest, she started to have the strange dreams. And it was these dreams that ultimately lead her to Gareth. "Yes, Gareth! My dark prince, my beloved angel! Who saved me in the midst of my suffering. Who had compassion for me when all others failed me. Yes, he is my salvation! My redemption! I don't have to walk in darkness or fear or pain anymore and its all because of him! It's all because of the gift he gave me!"
And just then, as if some strange revelation had suddenly come to her, Amie rose to her feet; returning to the mirror. Lifting the white gown over her head, she dropped it to the floor and stared at her belly. Gently she stroked her stomach.
A miracle had ocurred! There was no denying that! In spite of all her fears and anxietes, she was not in pain! Her abdomen was no longer distended. Her insides were not sore. She was normal! She was healed!
Just then a great calm over took her like some invisible blanket draped about her shoulders. Now she could put her fears to rest. The day she'd prayed for had finally arrived. And she had no reason to be afraid.
After taking a long warm bath, Amie got dressed and peeped outside her room. "Funny?" she thought to herself. "Where is everybody?" She couldn't wait to tell her mom the good news.
Slowly she descended the stairs sliding her hand along the side of the rail until she reached the bottom floor. "Mom?" she shouted inquisitively as she peeped in the kitchen.
All was silent.
Her mom had left a note on the kitchen counter.
"Hey babe. I'm working today. Won't be back until its late. Don't wait up. I made you a pot of soup if you get hungry. Love you. Call me if you need me."
Amie's heart sank a little. "Fuck!"
She really wanted to tell her mom the good news. She was dying to tell her that she was healed and could live a normal life again. And as for that pot of soup; well she could toss it! She didn't need it anymore. She could eat whatever she wanted to now; or at least she hoped. Nevertheless, it was time to test the uncharted waters.
Swallowing hard she opened the refrigerator. Her mom didn't eat much. She was always on some diet or something. And because of Amie's stomach issues, her food selection was non existent.
She always had canned spinach, a baked potatoe and a tiny piece of meat for dinner. Breakfast usually consisted of eggs, bacon and toast. Or sometimes she stop at the local fast food resteraunt and have pancakes and bacon.
Other than that, that was it! She couldn't eat anything else least she'd be sick all night. And she hated that. She'd rather starve herself all day than deal with the excrutiating pain she'd be in later.
During those days: for a long time; sleep was her only friend. It was the only time she felt peace. It was the only time the "evil belly monster" would leave her alone. And sometimes getting to sleep was hard, especially if it was one of those days when she had a lot on her mind; winding down at the end of the night was impossible. Unfortunately, because her abdomen was so messed up; any type of sleeping aid, or mood relaxer was off limits.
She had to deal with everything on her own, the best way she knew how.
After staring at the unattractive food selection in the refrigerator for a moment; Amie closed the door. Leaning back on the door, she let out a anxious sigh. She was hungry, but still very much afraid of food. She wanted to eat. She wanted to go back to who she was before the sickness but now that the opportunity had arrived; she still had reservations.
To test the waters, she wanted to start off with a bang! Pepperoni pizza from Rigallies! She closed her eyes and licked her lips as her belly began to growl with anticipation. She hadn't had pizza in years. Or anything dairy for that matter.
"I wonder can I eat that now? Will I be OK?"
Her thoughts reasoned on and on. "There is only one way to truely tell if I'm healed and that is to eat stuff I couldn't before. That way I'll really know!"
She placed her hand over her belly; rubbing it gently. Still no pain; no discomfort; save the occassional growl that escaped its hollow cavity from lack of substinance.
Swiftly, Amie turned on her heels and headed up stairs. She'd decided to take a leap of faith. She was going to order pizza from Rigallies and see if she was truely OK.
Swallowing hard, she picked up her phone and called in. The patron took her order and told her they would be around to deliver to her residence in 30 minutes. "OK thanks!" she added anxiously as she ended the call. Sitting her phone down on the night stand; she slid back on her bed.
Collasping on her back she stared at the ceiling. That was the first time; she laid flat on her back in years. Due to her illness, that was another thing she couldn't do: lay down. She always had to sleep elevated in order to keep acid from crawling up her throat; then she would have major problems. She already had a bad stomach; she didn't want to add dysphagia to the list.
Placing her hand over stomach; she stroked it back and forth; with narrowed eyes. "Gareth. Where are you Gareth? I can't beleive this is happening. I can't beleive I've been set free!"
30 mintues later; the roar of a car engine echoed in the driveway. Amie ran down the steps. Swinging the door open abruptly; a huge smile graced her lips. A young boy with his hat turned backwards extended the pizza box towards her. His brows were raised and he looked slightly unsure of himself.
"Ugh delivery for Amie Applegate?"
"Yes, that's me!" Amie answered as her eyes widened with anticipation.
"Enjoy!" responded the boy as he shoved the box in her hand and walked back to his car.
Closing the door behind her, Amie hurried off to the kitchen. The box was still warm as the fresh scent of melted cheese crept up her nostrils. Her stomach growled again from hunger. "Um... I haven't smelled anything like this in a long time!"
Most of the time, if she wasn't too sick and had to run errands in town, she'd walk quickly by all the food shops. Because eating was absolute torture, she wouldn't even allow herself to smell baking bread. She'd hold her breath if she had to, just to keep her thoughts preoccupied and not on her eating disabilities.
Flipping the lid open, she eyed the decadent goodness. Her heart was beating fast as her palms grew sweaty. This was the moment of the truth. This would be the true testament of her healing or lack thereof.
Grabbing a slice of pizza, she held it in her hands for a minute and closed her eyes. "God please. Let me be healed" she mumbled under her breath and then she took a bite.
Tossing the warm goodness around her palate, her jaws spasmed a little. This was the first time in years she'd had pizza. And now she was eating it. This forbidden fruit: that before Gareth; would have left her doubled over in excruciating pain begging for death.
Sitting down on a nearby stool, she swallowed it. "And there it goes!" her thoughts raved. "This is it! It's time to put up or shut up!"
She laid the remaining slice down and stared blankly at it for a moment. The fear and anxiety she thought was gone; reared its ugly head. She closed her eyes.
Tiny sweat beads gathered on her forehead and her legs shook a little. Now she was afraid. Although she didn't feel any physical pain just yet; she was worried all the same. It was the anticipation of pain that frightened her the most.
Glancing over her shoulder, she stared at the clock. Usually, within about 10 minutes, she'd know if something she'd eaten was safe or not.
Amie was quite tiny. Not only did she have a fast metabolism, she'd also lost a lot of weight by having a low calorie diet. With her sickness, fatty foods were a complete 'no no'. It was certainly a recipe for disater if she ate any of that stuff. So unfortunately, she ended up dropping more pounds than she'd wanted.
After awhile: that seemed like an eternity, she opended her eyes again. 15 minutes had gone by and the only discomfort she felt was an occasional growl.
Nevertheless, there was no pain!
She poked her belly again and let out a long sigh. Grabbing the pizza from her plate she took another bite. Chewed it and then waited.
No pain!
Her heart lifted a bit. It felt as if a huge invisible weight was lifting from her shoulders. She took another bite of pizza; this one, larger than the one before; chewed it and waited.
No pain!
Now her heart was back to racing! But not from fear! Not from pain! But from freedom! Total freedom!
The same freedom she had when she was young; when she ate "everything" her grandmother cooked. (And also smothered 'everything in hot sauce!)
Staring at the box, she grabbed more slices. And then another, and then another; until finally, she eaten about half the box. Licking her lips, she wiped her mouth with a napkin. Her finger tips shined slightly with pizza oil, as the robust flavor of oregano and garlic lingered on her palate.
She sighed again; breathing in through her nose and out her mouth. Laying her hand on her belly, she sat still; extremely still and waited. Glancing up at the clock she timed herself again; then lowered her eyes.
Nothing happened! No pain! No cramps! No bloating! No discomfort!
She stood and walked over to the refrigerator. There was a bottle of soda sitting on the rack. She grabbed the soda and a glass from the cabinet. Pouring the soda in a glass, she watched the bubbles rise to the top and then fizzle back down again.
She turned the glass to her lips and swallowed. The soda burned her palate slightly just as she'd remembered but quickly transformed into the sugary goodness she'd treasured as a child.
She burped. Then sat the glass down on the table. The great calm returned to her. Wrapping its invisible arms around her; it squeezed her gently. Now she was a beleiver! Now she could really sing the praises of her deliverance!
And she owed it all to Gareth!
photo courtesy pinterest
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