"It's only water. It'll be ok."
Turning swiftly, she picked up her cell phone on the night stand.
"Darn no messages!"
Well what did she expect? She hadn't seen nor spoke to Tomas in over 2 weeks. "Wow that's a record!" she thought to herself as she returned to the cozy pallet she'd made for herself on the floor.
With a large box of pizza, chocolates and her favorite pop, she knew she'd survive.
Nevertheless, with all her decadent pleasures laid out before her, her heart was still heavy. She missed Tomas; desperately. In fact, she cared about him more than she knew. Before they broke up, she thought she'd be OK. But now, since it had actually happened; a dull ache stirred in her chest. He really was a nice guy.
Sweet, kind and innocent, but definitely too young. He was only 25 and she was 33. He needed to be around people his own age and stop panning behind her all the time.
Shoving a slice of pizza in her mouth, she blinked slowly and starred at the flickering flame dancing in the hearth. Her room was warm and cozy. At first she was going to go walking for the day but all of a sudden the forecast had changed. A storm had broken out further north and caused a cold front to sweep through the city.
It was alright though. She'd rather stay home anyway.
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The wind howled and moaned like an frustrated phantom as the soft roar of thunder echoed in the distance. Toi washed down the remains of pizza with a can of soda then closed the box. Her lids were growing heavy.
Why did she always get sleepy every time she ate? Geez...she'd actually planned on watching a movie but now it didn't look like she'd make it.
With her head propped against a fluffy pillow, she stared into the flickering flame of the fire as the soft drizzle of rain bounced against her windows. She was reminded of Tomas. Her heart started to race as she recounted her days of happiness with him. But why did his age bother her so much?
For some reason she just couldn't shake the feeling. Although men dated younger women all the time and for the most part, preferred them; she just felt really weird doing it. If she were able to escape to some remote space in time; things would be different.
She'd rather be away from naysayers and judging eyes and the snide remarks of her friends. What did they know anyway? How many of them had as much passion and excitement in their relationship as she had with Tomas?
'Ha...none', she sighed as a sluggish sigh escaped her lips and then she closed her eyes.
The soft chime of her doorbell echoed across the room. She opened her eyes for a minute. Did she hear something? Or was she dreaming? Shifting listlessly she stretched her stiff limbs and tucked her arm underneath her head.
The bell rang again.
This time Toi opened her eyes and raised her head in a startle. 'Now, who in the heck was ringing her bell at this time a day? Plus it was storming like crazy!
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Sliding her feet in her slippers she went to the door. Raising up on her tip toes she squinted one eye and looked out the peep hole.
Oh sh*t ! It was Tomas!
Her lips hung loosely apart as her heart started to race. Nervous energy pulsed through her veins like electric current. She hadn't seen him in weeks. What was he doing here? Why was he breaking the rules? They had an agreement. Why wasn't he sticking to his part?
She opened the door.
"Tomas?"
"Hey, I found your umbrella in the driveway." He glanced to the side. The umbrella was wet from the rain with beaded water pellets running down its sides.
"Oh, thanks! I was just going to leave it out there til morning. But thanks for bringing it up. Come in...come in."
Tomas eyes lit up like fire flies as his wet mane stuck to his forehead.
"Looks like you're the one who really needed the umbrella. What are you doing here?"
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Nervously, Tomas slid his damp hands down the side of his jeans. He really didn't know how to answer her. He was unsure of what to say. When he awoke that morning, he hadn't planned to come to her house, he just sort of ended up there by accident.
Before he could answer Toi had already grabbed him by the arm. "Geez, you're soaking wet. Let's get you out of those clothes."
Because he was used to staying with her, he'd already had a change of clothes in her closet. Walking to the bathroom, he took off his wet items with only his boxers remaining. Toi walked in and handed him a towel and a robe.
"Thanks" he smiled as he grabbed the towel and wiped residual water from his hair and body. After he was dry, he slipped his arms inside the plush the housecoat.
Toi nodded and swiftly turned on her heels. She was trying to divert her eyes from looking at him half naked. Walking briskly back to the tv room. She slipped off her shoes and climbed back on her pallet.
Tomas stood for a while.
"Come on" she motioned with her hands. "You can sit down. No sense in standing there."
Tomas sat down beside her as she slid an extra pillow behind his back. Adjusting to a more comfortable position, he leaned back and folded one leg over top the other.
"You hungry? I have pizza if you want some."
His lips turned up at the corners. "Yeah... sure thanks."
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Tomas opened the box and grabbed a slice of pizza. Shoving it into his mouth, the corners of his cheeks bulged as he bit into the delectable goodness.
Toi got up and went to the kitchen. She brought back an extra glass and poured him soda.
"Thanks" Tomas added as he paused for a minute from chewing.
Toi leaned back and drew her knees to her chest. The proximity of him was killing her. Why the heck had he come over? "So...um what brings you out in this weather?" Her stomach churned nervously as she waited for an answer.
Tomas looked up at her. "I missed you." His eyes dropped back down as he shoved food in his mouth. "I was going to ask you if you wanted to go out to eat. But I guess you've already started."
Toi stretched out her legs; leaning her back against the pillows. "Tomas... in this weather? Man... there is no way I'm going out there."
Tomas returned his gaze to her. "Why not? It's never stopped us before."
Toi swallowed hard as butterflies floated in her belly. Tomas was right. They'd never let rain, snow or any other unexpected surprise of nature curve their plans. But that was then and this is now. Now things had changed. They were not together. They were no longer an item. And maybe Tomas had forgotten that fact, but she had not.
Grabbing another slice of pizza. Tomas closed his eyes and chewed rigorously.
"Geez, Tomas. You act like you haven't eaten in days" she snickered.
"No...I haven't...hadn't had much of an appetite lately."
A troubled frown graced Toi's brow. "Tomas!" She sat upright and rested her hand on his leg. "You gotta eat...no matter what you still gotta eat."
Tomas' rigorous chewing slowed. He stared blankly for a moment then he spoke. "I want us to get back together. I want things to be the way they were." He shoved another piece of pizza in his mouth and continued to eat.
Toi closed her eyes and ran her fingers through her disheveled mane. She was sad too, but she dealt with it. Tomas was just going to have to be like her. Eventually he'd come around. But stopping by her house was not going to make the break up any better. He was breaking the rules. They were not suppose to have any contact with each other whatsoever!
"Tomas, we've been through this a million times. You know we can't be together. We've already gone through this. We live in a different society. You are too young for me. We exist in two separate worlds. You have your whole life ahead of you and I'm not going to interfere with that. I've told you all this already."
Tomas took a swig of soda and washed down the remaining morsels of food. Licking the thin trace of acidic liquid from his lips, he sat the glass on the coffee table. Turning towards her, he rested his hand on her leg. "You missed me. I know you missed me. I can see it in your eyes. Tell me I'm wrong."
Toi closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip. She didn't want to lie, but she didn't want to be truthful either. Diverting his gaze, she stared at the ceiling.
Tomas leaned back, readjusting the soft cushion under his neck. "This is the first time, my thoughts have settled in days." He stared at the open flame dancing in the hearth. "I just came by here. So I could sleep. Is that ok?"
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Toi turned towards him. Her heart ached because she knew Tomas; and she knew he was taking the break up hard. Resting one hand on his chest, she slipped her other arm underneath his neck. Tomas drew her closer; burying his face in her chest. He let out a frustrated sigh as if he had been holding his breath the entire time.
Toi closed her eyes and gently stroked the side of his face. This was gonna be harder than she thought and him unexpectedly coming over, didn't make it any easier...
xoxo
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